Resigned today...

[donalgdon]

After struggling through an immensely stressful seven months, I've tenured my resignation and decided to move on. I've actually done so for my own sanity and health, because the stress of this position and the long hours involved were actually giving me some blood pressure spikes, tachycardia, etc. which for me, is quite unusual. I've always had readings around 117/65, on average, but something about the dynamic of the environment just got under my skin.

My wife told me that she had a bad vibe about it all, despite the pretty packaging, even in the first week, (she moved there with me and took a different job in the same place) but I didn't listen, because I thought the extra money would be great, etc. I've come to see (again) that money doesn't buy much of anything of any real value. We were happier living on one meager income than we are now on two higher-incomes (for us anyway... still not rolling in the dough).

I admit that it was nice to be able to afford a few remodeling projects on the house, but really, the entire process of moving to this job has left me exhausted. I've decided to take a break from work for a bit and am thinking about just doing some consulting on the side for a few local places. The market is right for me, so I really feel strongly that could make a go of it.

Just thought I'd share. I've always had a tough time quitting contract jobs. I've only done it three times in my lifetime, this being the third time. At this point, I cannot see myself working for anyone else in such a capacity ever again. I cannot stand all the ego and politics involved. I also have a chance to just make cheesecakes for a living for a local business chain here (literally) and I'm seriously thinking about just doing that instead! I an avid fan of dessert making, and I've built a small following during the holidays by word-of-mouth.

I'm feeling a bit down about the whole thing, and despite my best efforts, I cannot help but feel like I've failed somewhere. It's a bad mental habit I have always struggled with in situations like this.

[3quartertime]

Good Luck Don.

The last 12 months have brought to me many changes. Some good, some bad. Overall I'm happier than I've been in longer than I can remember.

[naill]

Sorry the whole thing did not work out for you, Don. I admire your courage to resign.

[herbhunter]

I'm sorry the job proved too stressful and that conditions didn't live up to expectations. It appears that you have some interesting alternatives already lined up and I hope that you can allow the anticipation about them, the enthusiasm for dessert confection, to quickly overcome the understandable dysthymia that is setting in.



Edited to add missing commas

[donalgdon]

Can I ask some advice?

I've become entangled in this resignation process and am being lambasted about my "moral responsibilities" etc. by my supervisor who has clearly not met his own obligations and is passing this off on me (because he can, and I'm largely unable and unwilling to defend myself against slander.)

In short, there is some work outstanding, but I don't feel it is my duty to finish it before I leave. Am I wrong? I'm trying not to respond emotionally, but the guy who was my supervisor is such an ass, that I'm having a hard time thinking rationally about it.

He's basically tried to implement a new curriculum with a bunch of untrained staff, given them a couple of one day workshops over the course of six months and then been invisible.

The staff, myself included, has felt abandoned, and when his up-line evaluations came back (and I assume reflected this) he began feverishly trying to compensate for his lack of involvement.

Now, he's pinning the failure of the program on me, in essence. I don't want to waste my energy trying to defend myself, but I'm not sure how to handle it. I just gotta' turn in my keys, wait for my meager severance and be done.

Have any of you had an experience that you'd like to expunge from your employment history entirely? How do you deal with it, because I've never been in this kind of situation before.

[Holy Schist]

Feb 1, 2013 10:27:47 GMT -5 donalgdon said:

Can I ask some advice?

I've become entangled in this resignation process and am being lambasted about my "moral responsibilities" etc. by my supervisor who has clearly not met his own obligations and is passing this off on me (because he can, and I'm largely unable and unwilling to defend myself against slander.)

In short, there is some work outstanding, but I don't feel it is my duty to finish it before I leave. Am I wrong? I'm trying not to respond emotionally, but the guy who was my supervisor is such an ass, that I'm having a hard time thinking rationally about it.

He's basically tried to implement a new curriculum with a bunch of untrained staff, given them a couple of one day workshops over the course of six months and then been invisible.

The staff, myself included, has felt abandoned, and when his up-line evaluations came back (and I assume reflected this) he began feverishly trying to compensate for his lack of involvement.

Now, he's pinning the failure of the program on me, in essence. I don't want to waste my energy trying to defend myself, but I'm not sure how to handle it. I just gotta' turn in my keys, wait for my meager severance and be done.

Have any of you had an experience that you'd like to expunge from your employment history entirely? How do you deal with it, because I've never been in this kind of situation before.

Good luck regardless and be careful about any decisions that might be too quick or motivated by stress, fear or anger.

I've tended to clean up loose ends as you've described and it's paid off in the long run because it's easy for people to think and say bad about somebody. In some cases putting up with messes of others and working at it was observed and helped me in the future. I don't know if this applies to where you're at.

Basically I think the safe route is do what you can do to make sure somebody knows they're telling a lie when they say something bad about you.

You said you're having a hard time thinking rationally about it so proceed with caution.

On cheesecakes. I don't know your market but commercial food prep is not same as personal and very demanding. Maybe give it a try before you commit too much.

Good luck.

[sordello]

As you would well know, it is hard to advise at a long distance and with only part of the story - only you know the whole story here and all the intricate details of the web.
Good advice has already been presented: about not making decisions in a heightened emotional/stressed state. If you can develop the sense of irony required, and step outside yourself for a few minutes and look INTO the situation with COLD rationality, then you can make some reasoned assessments. (I know it's hard to step outside it...)

The missing info here includes the power structure. You talk about the 'supervisor', but where are the owners of the joint? Are they part of these decisions? Does the supervisor report directly to the owners? Is it a thin, vertical communication line upwards?
Make a reasoned assessment as to whether you want to pursue another communication line up the ladder around the supervisor. This is always a very tough call! Could backfire, or it could resolve the whole problem. If the owners are part of the decision chain (and not just distant investors) then they are motivated at close range to want the problem solved. If they only hear from the supervisor, one can only suspect he is pointing fingers of blame downward along the chain. You need to present the problem - without fingerpointing - and also provide an avenue of solution for the owners. it will involve either directly or indirectly letting the owners realize that the supervisor has failed in his objectives. You need to show them how you can succeed. (Depending on how aggressive you want to be, that might entail raising the suggestion that YOU take on the supervisor's role so you can get the job done correctly). If you have already resigned, then you can discuss this with the owners as an 'outsider' of sorts and leave the option open for them to bring you back, at a higher level, and with the responsibility of fixing the mess - if you are willing to take it on (for more pay of course.)

This is a business. The owners will want it fixed. If all the staff are unhappy, and it filters to the students, the red warning lights are flashing. Let the owners know, you have assessed what the issues are, what the problems are, what the solutions are. You need to be put back in a place where you can implement your solutions and get the business back on track. Naturally, they will ask you what these solutions are - while the supervisor is taking notes no doubt. You will have to keep them to yourselves until a new contract is signed of course.
At the very least, a chat with the owners could help remove any negativity they may have about you. No doubt you will be presented to them (by the supervisor) as a fly-by-night who couldn't take the heat, and didn't like doing any real work, so you left, and not only left but left a great pile of work and responsibilities for others to have to clean up. That reputation may haunt you if it is out there spreading. You need to let the owners know the whole story behind the scenes. Naturally, an employee who does this behind a supervisor's back can get in big trouble, but you have resigned; you are no longer an employee. You are an outsider who can present a helpful plan to the owners if they are willing to listen. Even if they don't accept your plan, you get to have the chat that restores your no doubt tainted reputation and corrects whatever the supervisor may have said about you.

Be aggressive. Let the owners know you really do care about the school and students and resigned to stop the bleeding. You would like to come back and fix the place up if you can be given the opportunity and lattitude (don't mention resources yet - that means $$$$). Even if they say no, you will have the amunition - from that interview - to fight any charges of irresponsibility that may follow you. You can tell people you had a chat and offered solutions, but they wouldn't listen.

[donalgdon]

Thanks for all the responses so far. The perspective is valued.

Basically, the owners are not interested in any staff issues. They've left it up their subordinates, while they push the papers around and cash the tuition checks. If I felt it valuable, I'd fight for what I think is right, but it's become clear to me that this is not a winnable fight, at least not on my end.

I'm really okay with that. I don't mind moving on, so I guess I'll do my best to wrap up what I can and just deal with it that way. I've already got a job lined up in a local university for just a few hours a week, which for me, is about as good a situation as I could ask for. I'm not interested in a full-time gig at this point after 7 months of 13 hour days. It's much more than I'm used to, but in a thankless job, where the only response to reasonable request or suggestion is to suggest that the money should make up for it.

The pay is (was) pretty darn good, but no amount of money can buy peace of mind.

[sordello]

Good to hear you have a plan. Just take care of any negative back-talk that may come out of this.

My consultation invoice is ready to post to you in the mail. I've given you a Wharf discount though. The only currency I'll accept is a mango cheesecake sent priority post to Oz!

[thedude]

Feb 1, 2013 10:27:47 GMT -5 donalgdon said:

Can I ask some advice?

I've become entangled in this resignation process and am being lambasted about my "moral responsibilities" etc. by my supervisor who has clearly not met his own obligations and is passing this off on me (because he can, and I'm largely unable and unwilling to defend myself against slander.)

Sorry to hear this didn't work, and I echo the words of others in congratulating you for being courageous enough to nip this in the bud.

As far as outstanding work, two things. One is that employees often think the organization will have trouble replacing their valuable contribution. Two, is that employers/bosses often take it personally when employees quit. My guess is that he/they are using your instincts about one above because of number two. You have zero moral responsibility to the employer, and especially if they have done such a poor job of creating a bad environment. This is their mess, not yours and no matter what you do, if they are unrealistic or emotional, you being a reasonable guy trying to help most likely will not help.

If you've seen the movie Moneyball, there is a scene where Brad Pitt teaches a young executive how to tell a player he's been demoted or traded. The moral of the story is to make a clean break.

Good luck.

[donalgdon]

My wife and I have had three interviews so far, and two more today for me. We've already come to terms with the fact that trading a higher salary for proximity to home, which means less time in traffic, etc. We'll literally be about five minutes from most of the positions we've interviewed for in our area. We were both offered jobs on the spot today, which feels nice when you walk into a waiting room filled with candidates.

Things are progressing. I have an interview in a local university this afternoon, and I might be able make close to the same money in four hours that I'd make in 40 hours in a school.

[donalgdon]

Quick update...

So, we found a local bilingual school that my wife can work at starting in about three weeks, and the director wants me to be the coordinator of the English department starting in the middle of the year. In the meantime, I found a local university that will allow me to work far fewer hours teaching English to teachers and make nearly a monthly wage for four hours a week. I plan to do this until the director of the local school my wife is signing with can add me as the coordinator of the English department. We'll go from a 14 hour workday to a 7 hour day, with a five minute commute from our home!

That's a worthwhile change for us, since we've both agreed that we are at a place where we value time more than money. We'll go back to making less, but having less pressure and stress.

[thedude]

Glad it worked out. Do a good job at the university to keep that gig going.

Sounds like you and your wife always work at the same place. I guess it's working for you, but I'm not sure I would want to keep doing that if given a choice. So, I'm just curious if it's for a reason or because it just has turned out that way.

[donalgdon]

Feb 9, 2013 17:13:05 GMT -5 thedude said:

Glad it worked out. Do a good job at the university to keep that gig going.

Sounds like you and your wife always work at the same place. I guess it's working for you, but I'm not sure I would want to keep doing that if given a choice. So, I'm just curious if it's for a reason or because it just has turned out that way.

Really, it's just been easier for us, and we've just sort of fallen into places together recently. The first two years, we were at different schools, but we've only one vehicle, and it's worked out nicely for us to have the same schedule, vacations, etc.

Being more local is nice, primarily due to the shorter commute, but also because if/when the car is out of commission for whatever reason, we can easily get taxi service in our area.

[donalgdon]

So, I sorta' fell into this really cool job which just started for me last Saturday. I'm now, essentially, teaching teachers how to teach English. It's a blast. The four hour weekly session just flies by. It's so much fun.