Post by songwriterfan on Nov 8, 2015 18:10:13 GMT -5
To set the stage a bit. First, I was raised Southern Baptist (see other thread I posted to today), and I don't drink alcohol. Not so much because of that (I think the Southern Baptists got THAT wrong), but just because I don't see much benefit from it and a lot of potential heartache from it.
Anyway, this past half-year or so, I've been going to a local bar that has karaoke on Friday and Saturday nights. And I've come to know some of the "regulars" there, and a bit of their "story" (some more, mostly less). Most I would consider somewhere between an acquaintance and a friend, closer to the friend side of things.
Last night, one of the regular females was being bought some drinks by a guy that I don't think was a regular (could be mistaken, of course). She was sitting next to me for much of the night (she smokes, so whenever she went outside, she'd come back in and might or might not sit back down where she had been sitting).
At one point, she mentioned to me that she doesn't "go home" with anybody ("I always go home alone", or something like that). I wouldn't say that she really gave off a vibe of being "uncomfortable" with the guy who was smoking cigarettes with her and occasionally buying her a drink. But it was abundantly clear that she had no intention of going home with him.
About half an hour before closing (1 am), she became quite a bit drunker than I'd ever seen her before. To the point that I was going to make at least a reasonable effort to keep her from driving herself home (though she said she lived very close . . probably only about two miles, and no major thoroughfares required to get to her house).
Right before last call, she downed a fireball, and started to get to the point I'd call a "happy drunk". I made it very clear that I was willing to take her home and that I thought she shouldn't be driving.
The guy who'd been buying her drinks was also hanging around (5-10 minutes after closing) and trying to convince the bartender that he could take her home. The bartender (who knows both me and the girl fairly well, and knows I only drink tea when I'm there) made it clear that I was the better "designated driver" since I didn't drink alcohol.
At one point she went over to the DJ (who I'm pretty sure she has a "thing" for) to talk with him. When I saw her sitting there by herself (not sure where the DJ was at that moment), I went over to see if she was going to get a ride home from him (up until this point she seemed like she was wanted to drive herself). She said she was going to, and I made her promise that she'd get a ride home and not try to drive herself. At that point, not exactly sure why, she gave me her cell phone number and had me text her.
Anyway, I hung around a bit longer (the guy buying her drinks was STILL there), and then it became clear that another regular (and his current g/f, I think) were going to take her home. I asked him directly if he was going to take care of getting her home, and he assured me that he was. (We know each other fairly well).
After I got in my car to leave, I saw him with the gal walking behind him (holding onto his waist), and the g/f walking behind her (holding onto her waist).
Fast forward to this afternoon (early). I was about to go get something to eat in that general area, so I texted to see if she needed a ride to go get her car, since I'd be available to drive her to it if she hadn't already taken care of it.
She texted back that she already had the car . . but that she had NO CLUE as to how she got home or to why the car was there. I told her how she got home. She was then asking me if she'd been throwing up or being mean (I said "no" to both questions, based on what I'd seen).
Honestly (and I'm certainly no expert on drunks), while she seemed drunk enough not to drive herself home, I was a bit surprised to hear her say that she didn't have any recollection after a certain point in the evening. After quizzing her, I think she was aware pretty much right up to the moment that she went home. She didn't seem to know that she'd drunk a fireball right at last call (she asked about it, because she said she smelled it on her breath when she woke up). But she did have some memory of talking to the DJ.
Anyway, that was a lot of typing for a "set up". LOL. But my question is: are guys like this intentionally buying girls drinks to get them so drunk that they'll be completely out of it and offer up no resistance? Or are they typically just trying to let the girl know they want to take them home by buying them some drinks?
Frankly, had I given her a ride home, and had she then "come on" to me, I would've been left wondering whether she really liked me and wanted something and was just normally too reserved to say so, or if she was (as it turns out she was) just COMPLETELY out of it.
I wouldn't have done anything anyway (I was only offering her a ride home as a friend to keep her alive and to keep that guy away from her), but even if I'd been willing, I can't see how I could've done anything without KNOWING that she was making a decision she was actually conscious of or not. I would've felt obligated to err on the side of caution.
Anyway, it just go me to wondering what the real intent of guys like that is. Are they intentionally trying to take advantage of the girl, or just trying to get a foot in the door to see where it leads?
I can't help but think that if she didn't have as many friends there at the bar as she did last night, that the guy WOULD have taken her home and taken advantage of her. I'd rather NOT think that he was doing this intentionally, but I really have to wonder.
Which, I suppose, brings me back full circle to one of the reasons that I don't drink. I really don't want to ever experience something that I can't remember (other than surgeries/etc).
), but it's not like I'm counting.